You curl your toes into the sand. The clean, untouched air of the
arctic strokes across your face. Your children are nearby, playing with
the family dog and building sand castles. The expanse of the ocean seems
infinite, the water indescribably blue, but some concern tugs at the
back of your mind. "It's nothing, surely." you declare, anxiously. But,
as you utter these words, you notice your dog behaving strangely -
staring quietly off into the distance. Your wife, without warning,
bursts into a fierce and hellish rage, destroying sandcastles and screaming
obscenities into the sky, a fit of adrenaline-fuelled madness. Earthworms crawl out of the ground, a mass exodus of writhing creatures
defiling the once golden sands. Whales burst forth from the ocean,
glistening droplets of water falling to the ground as they beach
themselves, and you stare on in horror, as electromagnetic spasms
ricochet through your skull.
The research from Sonus. END BEACH EXPOSURE NOW. (http://www.agk.com.au/coopersgap/assets/downloads/Pacific-Hydro-infrasound-report-Nov-2010.pdf). |
Peacocks are well known to suffer relationship problems when exposed to infrasound, and so should be discouraged from participating in beach volleyball (Source) |
But how best to inform the public about the seriousness of Beach Rage
Syndrome? Well, we already know the scourge of wind turbine syndrome from a
highly scientific study conducted by US doctor Nina Pierpoint in 2009.
Science, as we know, is the extraction of cold, hard facts from the
natural world, through the rigorous and unmatched application of the
scientific method. Pierpont chose 23 people, didn't ask about their
medical history, and gave them a call. It was from these auspicious
beginnings that the scientific broadsword of wind turbine syndrome was drawn from its sheath.
This new, much better scientific method is unmatched in explanatory efficacy - I have
already found at least 15 people, living near a beach, who have
experienced headaches. In following Pierpont's fine example, my research
will soon be peer-reviewed by my family and friends.
When exposed to infrasound, chickens lay yolkless eggs. As is well known, this is why all beach chickens are completely infertile. (Source of Truth) - This has led to a filthy chicken lifestyle of sex, drugs and loud rock music, defiling Australia's once beautiful beaches. |
Note - Ocean Syndrome is not to be confused with OCEAN syndrome (Obsessive Compulsive Equine Attachment Neurosis Syndrome)
Scary stuff! I didn't realise that beaches came with such hazards. Come to think of it, some people drown at beaches, I wonder if that is connected to the infrasound?
ReplyDeleteI have heard that this only happens at beaches near mining interests. Is that true?
ReplyDeleteThis is just another reason I don't let my chooks get onto the internet. However, I now have another concern. They have being laying OK over summer but I have noticed that the number of eggs has decreased now that winter is almost upon us (and therefore the waves are bigger). We live about 40km away from the beach. My question therefore is; How far can infosonic vocalisations travel?
ReplyDeleteHey Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteIs that your real name? It's pretty groovy. Anyway, infosonar waves can travel approximately 400 kilomiles (about 28 furlongs).
If you're referring to infosonic vocalisations, that's a different matter entirely. The only real evidence we have is from this documentary, produced in 1989, by scientists:
http://imdb.to/bsfu5E
If you can watch it, I strongly recommend it. I learn quite a lot about underwater sound from it.